I left Lee in the fall of 2014. We tried making things work but too much damage had been done. Too many lies, lonely nights crying alone, hateful words, and explosive fights. Love is not always enough and I have and never will love anyone as much as Lee, but it was time to close that book.
We spent the two years we were separated pulling ourselves out of the wreckage that our lives had become, we spent time forgiving each other and growing a new friendship. I decided it was time to leave behind the Oreos and ice cream and hit the gym again. I had gotten so fucking fat in those two years. I hated my reflection in the mirror, I could barely look at myself anymore. Now that my heart was mending my body needed some work.
One of my former clients, Jessica, happened to message me one day to say she needed “The Stephanie Diet” again. I laughed and said so do I. We decided to get back to the gym again as training partners not trainer and client. I needed the motivation just to get there every day. My return to sexy began. I had Lee write me up a new diet and workout routine.
Jessica and I hit the weights and I ate grilled chicken till I thought I would throw up. The weight started to melt away and so did my self-loathing. I started to feel sexy and confident again. I was also becoming a new, stronger, happier woman. I thought “now it’s time to date”. Well sort of, I did not really want a relationship but I needed to get laid something awful. It had just been too long.
I signed up for Match.com and started searching for the perfect friends with benefits. I found very little in the way of man candy there. I went on a few dates with some pretty average looking men. I was not impressed. I was about to give up. Then I went to visit my life long bestie, Ryan in Austin, Texas.
I was telling Ryan of my bad luck with dating and she said if you just want to find a fuck buddy why don’t you try Tinder? Tinder? What’s that? She looked at me like I had two heads and said how do you not know what Tinder is? I am married and I know about it. She told me all about how this amazing app worked. I downloaded it immediately. We started swiping and matches came almost immediately. I started talking to some men and was amazed at how easy it was to find someone who was hot and who peaked my interest. She was intrigued by it as well and played around with it some too. We talked dirty to a few and laughed so hard.
When I returned home I could not wait to see what was available in my area. I was disappointed in the selection here as far as looks go. I was searching in my own age group, 38-45. I went on lots of dates. I even had 3 dates in one day, just because I could and it makes for a good story. I love a good story.
I finally went on a date with a man that I felt some chemistry with. He was 40ish, handsome, smart, had a good career and head on his shoulders. We hit it off and I ended up being a slut that night and went home with him. It had been so long since I had been with a man I just could not wait any longer. We had really great sex, or maybe it was just because I was in such a bad way. I went home and did not hear from him again. I though oh well, back to the drawing board.
I got back on the Tinder horse again. This time I was not finding much to swipe right on so I decided to lower my age group a little. I changed it to 30-45. Then I started swiping again when I came across a very good looking 33-year-old man. His name was Devin. He was big and bald with a goatee. Although I had swiped right and matched with him, I hesitated to talk to him right away. He reminded me very much of Lee, that scared me. I went on more unsuccessful dates and then about 2 weeks after matching, Devin messaged me.
We talked for a long time. He seemed really cool. He started calling me every day after work and we talked about all sorts of things. He said he had not talked to me for a while because he thought I looked fat in my pics! I was like really asshole, I am not fat!
We decided to finally meet. We agreed on dinner at Houston’s. When I arrived, he was already there waiting outside. As soon as I saw him I felt sparks even from a block away. He was big, tall, somewhat dark, and so fucking sexy. At dinner, I sat across from him and I don’t think I ever stopped looking into his eyes. We talked, laughed and stared at each other shamelessly.
We left the restaurant and decided to walk around the plaza for a while. He took my hand and his huge hand just swallowed mine up. His touch was electrifying. He was so tall, I felt so tiny walking next to him. It felt amazing. I was already thinking that I was in deep shit with this man, I was like putty in his hands. We talked and talked and I could not stop staring into his eyes. I don’t even remember what we talked about.
It was getting late and I asked him to walk me to my car. When we got to my car I really did not want the date to end, so I said why don’t you get in and we can just sit here and talk more? He climbed into the passenger seat of my little Honda CRV. We didn’t talk very much, he leaned in to kiss me. OMG, fireworks went off like the 4th of July! He was the most fabulous kisser EVER! We made out in my car for what seemed like an eternity and he couldn’t stop telling me how soft my lips were and how great of a kisser I was. I knew for sure that I was done for at that point.