The Return of Mr. Wrong

The Return of Mr. Wrong-Part 2:

two-matches

Complete Combustion

The very day I returned from my trip he wanted to see me. I met him for just a few minutes because I did not want anyone to know I was going to see him. I felt stupid for even wanting to. He came over the next night and it felt wonderful for him to touch me and kiss me. We did not talk much, I don’t like rehashing the past it just causes tension. I just enjoyed being with him and I didn’t want to ruin that feeling. We made love  and his kisses were deep and passionate, he told me  much he had missed me and loved me. I had longed to hear his voice whisper in my ear while he was inside me, “I love you Stephanie”, he did too many times to count. It sent shivers up and down my spine, as he touched my body, every inch of me.  I was intoxicated by him and nothing else in the world seemed to even exist. He made me cum over and over again, effortlessly.

He stayed the night and I fell asleep on his chest with his arms wrapped around me all night. I slept better than I had in so very long. I used to love sleeping alone after I left Lee, until I met Devin. Having him in my bed always feels amazing. I always feel loved and protected in his arms. There really is no other place I would rather be.

The next morning, I made him his usual pancakes. He always says he knows his performance was on point if he got pancakes. It’s one of our many inside joke. Sex with Devin is always “pancake worthy”. I can’t remember one time that it wasn’t.

We continued to see each other for a few weeks again before I decided we needed to have a talk of some sort. It was a Sunday morning and he had just left my house after another amazing night together. I called him as he drove home. I asked him “What are we right now because I need some kind of clarity.” I told him I had been dating and felt that I needed to be honest about that. I made it clear that I was not sleeping with anyone but I had been on several dates. He asked some questions about how far things had gone with any of the other men. He seemed taken back, and a little jealous, which both surprised and pleased me. People aren’t usually jealous if they don’t care. He gave me the same old line about not being ready for a serious commitment, which, by the way, I had never asked for, that his life was in shambles and that he needed to focus on work and the kids. I don’t remember everything he said but it was all the same shit he had said before.

I informed him that I wasn’t sure I would want a relationship with him either and that I had broken up with him for reasons that still existed. I said, “Look Im not asking you for any commitments or promises.”  I just wanted him in my life and did not want to give up seeing him. I only asked for honesty and open, clear communication. I asked him that if he were to get involved with someone else or sleep with someone else to tell me. I would, obviously do the same. He agreed. I didn’t feel like I was asking too much. I did not feel like I was pressuring him at all, I was only trying to be mature and honest.

 

We went on seeing each other that way for about 6 weeks. Things were great again. He was attentive and enthusiastic. He spent a lot of nights at my house. I felt as close to him as I ever had. Then suddenly I felt that wall creeping up again, that distance he put between us. His attention was diverted from me again. I knew there was someone else, again. I started to notice all his classic signs. Then my suspicions were confirmed the morning he was not home when he said he was in bed. That is when I first found out about Genna, and “broke up” with him AGAIN!

 

I decided I would let her know that her new boyfriend had been seeing me and sleeping with me all along. I never heard back from her until much later which you will read all about later in the “Catching Mr. Wrong” series.

He stayed away a few more weeks and then low and behold, you guessed it, he showed up again. Everything started up all over again, just like before. This time we only made it about two weeks before I “broke up” with him again. By then I really started falling apart. My eating was out of control, I rarely went to the gym, I was smoking, crying all the time, and just completely depressed. I was so disappointed that I had let myself fall back into that hole I had fought so hard to climb out of for two years. I swore after Lee, I would never let myself love a man again. I had failed myself.

Some time before all of that happened, he had asked me if I would paint something for him. He asked if I would paint what I feel when I think about him. On Mother’s Day I was so sad. Two of my three children, Devin, or Lee had not wished me Happy Mother’s Day. Some random guy from Tinder had texted me first thing that morning. I thought to myself, “ 2 of my 3 children or the 2 men I loved had even thought about me.”

I decided to spend my day painting. It sounds so pathetic as I type it out now but I played our song on repeat all day as I painted and cried. I recalled the morning in my kitchen as he pulled me onto his lap, wrapped his arms around me and said “Stephanie, I know you said you never want to get married again, but I still hope one day we can dance to that song at our wedding” That echoed in my head all day as that painting just flowed out of me as if I had poured my very soul onto the canvas. The colors were bold and intense. When I was done it really did look exactly like what I feel inside. I never intended to show him, ever, but every time I looked at it I wanted to, so I broke down and texted him a picture of it. Just a few weeks later while my best friend was visiting, he popped back into my life again by asking if he could have it. He asked if he could have it. I know I am pathetic. I should have told him to go to hell and never bother me again. Instead I let him come over to pick it up. He wanted to talk and fuck as usual, but I knew he was seeing Genna. I told him that over the last few months I had realized that I needed more than he could give me.

 

 

 

The last few months had made me realize that I did in fact love him a lot more than I wanted to admit to myself. I did want a life with him. I just wanted him and no one else. I told him unless he were willing to give me those things and give them to no one else that I would never see him again.

He left and late that night he called to tell me that he wanted to make me happy and give me what I wanted and everything I deserved and needed. He went on to say that he had broken up with Genna because she was not the woman he loved. He told me as he has many times in the past, “Stephanie, I love you more than I ever even loved my wife.” I said to him “Do you want to be here with me right now?” He said “Yes!” To that I said, “Then get your ass over here and show me right now!” He did and we had one of our amazing nights, make up sex full of love, fire, and passion. I thought I finally had him and that we would really be ok this time. I could not have been more wrong as usual.

Lee

Till Death Due Us Part…

hands

The last five years or so of my life have brought more sorrow than joy. Two and a half years ago when I finally worked up the courage to take a step towards happiness, and leave Lee, it felt unbelievably terrifying and exciting at the same time. I fought for myself, my kids, and our happiness. They were my motivation, I love them above all and I knew I had to protect them. I knew I could not find Peace or joy for them or myself in that life. I had to build a new one, one that looked like the life I had always dreamed of for myself and for my children.

I always thought before the affair happened that I had a good marriage. I thought I was happy. I thought my kids were happy It turns out, I was wrong. The girls tell me now, that as far back as they can remember it was unhappy. They remember arguing, cursing, yelling, so much verbal abuse, and most of all me crying a lot. I was so blind to it all that I could not even recognize my own pain and sorrow. I spent so much time trying to make sure everyone else was happy, but none of us were.

I never felt special or talented at anything except being a good mom and what I thought at the time was a good wife. I still believe I was a good mom but I don’t think my criteria for what a good wife or partner is or should be was accurate. I doted and bent over backwards to do everything for Lee. I changed things about myself, the music I liked, what I watched on TV, how I dressed, the color of my hair, the friends I chose, how much time I spent with my family, the list goes on.  I was permissive and submissive to such an unhealthy degree. Lee knew no matter what he did I would always be there and “get over it”.  I cultivated a marriage of neediness, dependence, entitlement, and rage. Worst of all I was a terrible example to my daughters of who and what a wife should be.

I was the weakest of the weak. As the years passed both physical and emotional exhaustion set in. Resentment grew into anger. The more I felt taken advantage of and for granted the angrier I became. Slowly all the anger started to ooze at first and then eventually erupting.

I cannot quite remember when I stopped holding back, but it was fury like I had never known. Suddenly, I did not cower, I did not apologize when I had no cause, I did not bite my tongue, or even have any boundaries whatsoever. I just let go of all self-control. This caused Lee to retaliate with more intense blows but I was not afraid to return everything he threw my way 100-fold.

I felt like I was gaining strength, I was taking up for myself. That is what I believed anyway. I thought I was finally being strong. That was just a lie that I told myself. What I was really doing was tearing my own spirit apart with anger.

I grew angrier every day, week, month, and year. By the time the affair started I already hated myself and Lee. It just added to my pain. The betrayal I felt was smothering. I literally sometimes could not breathe. The man I had  loved since I was 18 years old, the man I married and swore I’d be faithful to and love for the rest of my days on this earth, the man whom I would have forsaken anyone for, the man who fathered our three beautiful daughters, the one who’s love and devotion was never questioned once, the man I trusted with my very life, the one I gave my all to, and the only man I ever wanted to grow old with, hurt me, deserted me. He had promised me forever.

I cannot describe the magnitude of that betrayal. I am trying but the words I am finding don’t seem strong enough to describe how great the pain was. 

I have healed a lot and forgiven. I don’t think of it every day and I don’t hate anymore. I do feel I have been slighted in life, as if I gave every ounce of myself away only to be neglected and forgotten. I do not feel angry much anymore but the pain is still there. I am not sure I will ever be “over” it. I still feel like I “lost”.

I can remember the bad things now. I can see all the failures as a person and as a wife. I am trying to move on with my life. After I moved out that first year was still full of a lot of pain but there was a certain amount of peace and relief. I enjoyed being alone most of the time, yet I was still depressed. I felt the magnitude of responsibility that comes with being a single mom. I ate my loneliness away. I stopped caring about my body. No one would see it anyway. I did not even shave my legs. I did not want to be attractive to Lee anymore I wanted him to let me go. It was too late for him to fight for me and appreciate me. I took on a different role. I became the abuser. I punished him every day. I was relentless in my torture. I could not hurt him enough. The more he cried, begged, apologized, or tried to show love and appreciation, the more I would punish him. I felt powerful. I felt I finally had control of my life. I was giving him everything I felt he deserved. The old saying, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” is an understatement in regards to my retaliation.

Something strange happened though as I tore him down, day after day he remained loving, kind, and generous to me. I never knew that leaving would bring out in him the man I always wanted him to be. I began to forgive and soften slightly. I started to think he had suffered long enough. We began our relationship anew. We became something different. We became friends again. Our love changed and grew every day. We still had arguments but they became fewer and less intense. Eventually the anger went away. The man I know now is my friend, my very best friend. He is still the man I have loved since I was 18. He is still the one and only father of my children. He is still loyal and devoted not just to our kids but to me as well. He is still the man I know will be by my side in times of sorrow, pain, and doubt. I will always love and treasure him and our friendship and best of all we will still grow old together.

The Return of Mr. Wrong

The Return of Mr. Wrong: Spring Break

Spring Break

The next few weeks were difficult, to say the least. I missed Devin, I missed sleeping on his chest with his arms around me, I missed his smile, his laugh, his voice, softly saying “I love you, Stephanie” and his kisses. Sex with Devin had been like a drug, it felt like withdrawals every time I thought of his hands going down from the top of my back all the way down to my arched, lower back, or my lips wrapped around his big, hard cock. I recalled him looking down at me while fucking me slow and sweet and then hard and fast as I screamed with pleasure. I remembered all the funny things too. Once while he was behind me giving it to me REALLY hard he slapped my ass so hard that it triggered my glass break sensor on my alarm system. I ran to turn it off and we laughed so hard when the alarm company called. You just can’t make shit like that up if you try. I wondered if I would ever find that kind of chemistry and connection again. The thought that I had lost that made me depressed.

Devin texted me a few times here and there at first. I would respond, but only briefly. Then we both went silent. I assumed he was seeing someone else, it seemed like he had a problem being alone. I started talking to guys here and there. I even went on a few disappointing dates. I just did not find any chemistry at all. I didn’t expect the electrifying chemistry I had with Devin, but I felt absolutely nothing. Aside from than, none of them seemed terribly interesting and they all just wanted to fuck me. I guess because I didn’t really need that this time around I was pretty disgusted by that. I developed a sour taste in mouth for men.

I was however talking to one man who seemed somewhat promising. He was my age, which was a new requirement. He seemed cool, had a good career, was a southerner like me, and seemed respectful in general. The only problem was he said he traveled a lot and was hardly in town for us to meet. So, we went on talking for a long time.

I decided since all of this had really taken a toll on me and work had been stressful to take me and the girls on a road trip home to visit my family for Spring Break. I took the whole week off from work. I could not wait to see everyone.

In order to understand this chapter of my Devin Saga, Im going to have to tell you a very long but quite entertaining, sad, and unbelievable story first. Bear with me. Here goes….

The girls were so excited and so was my Mom and Grandma. Every time I have ever gone home, my family made me feel like the queen of England. They did not get to see us much over the years when I was married to Lee and the kids were much younger. Since leaving Lee, I have made at least 5-6 trips home. I was not prepared for what I was about to face, this time would prove to be very different.

The night before we left, I was at the grocery store getting some road trip snacks. It is a 12-hour drive so we needed some serious provisions. While checking out some apples, I got a text from my dad saying that my Grandma, his mother has been very ill and would probably die any day now. He said when you get here I would really appreciate you and the girls going to visit her. I said, “OF COURSE DAD!”  In my mind I thought, great that will be fun and how awful at the same time. That was in the back of my mind the whole drive. I was never terribly close to her, but my dad was. You could say, out of 9 kids, 5 of them boys, he was her favorite. He was the most responsible and successful of them all. He always made sure she was taken care of the best he could. My sadness was mostly for him. I knew it would be hard on him and I love my dad so very much.

We got there finally and my sister informs me that we cannot stay with her like we planned because her house had flooded. I was like great! We ended up at my other grandma’s house, Maw Maw, we have always stayed with her anyway so it wasn’t a big deal. Her and I have always been so close. I love her almost more than my Mom. She lived alone in her big house and always loved having me and the girls there.

My Mom’s house was full, with my younger brother, Thomas and his son, Little Thomas, living there. He is a “grown up”, but never matured enough to live on his own as a single dad. His choices have been, to say the least, poor in relationships. His first girlfriend had killed herself, the next, my nephews mother, had shot him in the stomach with a shotgun when Little Thomas was a toddler. He almost died.The best part of that ordeal is that he did not press charges or break up with him for a few years after. I told you he’s not very smart. With all that being said, she had recently overdosed, yes, 2 girlfriends have committed suicide to date. I’m not sure what he does to these girls but man it must be bad. Anyway, I never stay there cause it’s kind of like the Jerry Springer show, and I hate drama, somehow it always finds me though. I wonder all the time if that is my fault or coincidence, ugh.

Maw Maw was also ill, not deathly ill but having some issues breathing. She is also quite dramatic, so the first night we were home she ended up having my Mom take her to the ER. We were locked out of the house until she got back. That was fun. We weren’t tired from driving 12 hours or anything. So far day one was awesome.

Day 2 I decided to go see my Grandma with my Dad. I did not bring the kids because I just didn’t think they needed to see someone that close to death. After all, this was their vacation. She was as bad off as I expected. Surprisingly she was very alert and still in her right mind. It was really upsetting to see her thin, frail body. I will never forget looking at her eyes though. They were so beautiful and clear icy blue. I don’t know why but I had never noticed them before. She looked at me intently. I think she wanted to smile but seemed as if she couldn’t. She talked with my dad and recalled stories from the past with him. My dad choked back tears and that really was the hardest part of the visit. You see I have never seen my Dad cry in my 41 years on this earth. Day 2 was already turning out to be awesome too. I don’t even remember what we did the rest of the day.

Day 3 was a bit low key. We had all planned to spend the evening having crawfish with my brothers, their girlfriends, sister, niece, nephew, Dad, and Mom. The girls were really excited, that was not something they have had much. When we got to Mom’s no one was there except for Thomas, his meth-head looking girlfriend, one of her kids, and my nephew. Little Thomas and my youngest daughter, Christine are the same age so they ran off to play as soon as we got there. Thomas told me Dad was with Grandma in case she passed, he wanted to be there. My younger brother, Jonathan and his girlfriend were working, my Mom had gone out with her old lady friends for some reason, and I don’t even remember where my sister was. It was just us and no crawfish. They had ordered pizza instead…Eliza and I looked at each other, like um, this sucks. I asked her if she wanted to go get some seafood just her and I? I asked my brother if he would mind me leaving Christine to play with Little Thomas? He said no problem sis, she’s no trouble they are having fun. Eliza and I got in my car to leave and she looked at me and said “Mom, are you really going to leave Christine with that girl here? She is so trashy and looks like a meth head?” I laughed and said I know but my brother is here and he will make sure she is ok. She did not like it. She is only 15 but very wise for her age. We went to my favorite childhood restaurant. Then we headed to Mom’s to pick up Christine. Everything was fine and she said she had a lot of fun with her cousin. Day 3 done, no drama. Finally!

Day 4, started off awesome. Maw Maw woke me up to tell me that the meth head girlfriend got into a fight with my brother and she stabbed him. Yes, she stabbed him in his hand as he covered his neck to keep her from stabbing him in the jugular. You cannot make this shit up! She is the second girlfriend to attempt killing him, WTF. My Dad heard the ruckus and got up out of bed, after spending his whole day by the bedside of his dying mother to see this going on in his kitchen. That seems nice, right. Mom said he was so angry that he literally picked this girl up and threw her out the door and threw her keys at her. Jerry Springer show  in full force. Why no one called the cops is beyond me but I guess that’s just how Thomas rolls with his women. Of course, I got a huge I told you so from Eliza. Its a fun time when your 15-yr. old proves to be smarter than you.

Later that day, I had planned to take the kids to see Lee’s parents. They lived only an hour away and I have always been really close with them. My Mother-In Law, Mrs. Susan, being especially dear to me. Her and Lee’s Dad had always treated me as a daughter, one that they cherished. They will always be my family.

Over the years my Mrs. Susan’s health had declined significantly. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease among other things. She is now in a nursing home. My Father-In-Law cannot take care of her the way she needs to. He is old too. My plan was to also visit her. I had not seen her since she had gotten so bad.

When we got there, my niece, Anna, ran to hug me. Lee and I had pretty much raised her until she was about 3 or 4. Her mother is a crack head and she is a whole other story altogether. Then my Father-In-Law, Lee Sr., whom I had not seen since my divorce, grabbed me and hugged me with tears streaming down his face. He is such a dear, loving person and has always just adored me. I guess I must be pretty great, hahahaha. He hugged the kids, we met Anna’s daughter’s. We visited a while and I said, “I need to see Mrs. Susan. Lee Senior started to gather a small ice chest and some ice cream. I was very confused. Anna told me that he brings Mrs. Susan ice cream EVERY day. He loves that woman more than Ive ever seen anyone love a spouse. I think he also feels guilty, not only for putting her in the nursing home, but for years of him taking her for granted and abuse.

As we rode together to the home I was so nervous to see her. I had been told how bad her health really is and that she looks awful and may not remember me. Seems it was par for course on this trip. When we got there all the nurses knew Lee Sr. by name and enthusiastically said “HI, Mr. Lee!” Apparently, he is a regular visitor. He told me he had told Mrs. Susan I was going to be visiting and she was so excited, she had asked when I would be there every day. When I walked into the room, she was sitting in a wheel chair next to her bed. Lee Sr. said loudly Mrs. Susan, “Stephanie is here!”. in his thick Southern accent. She looked up and stared at me, she looked as if she had seen a ghost and said “Steph?” I could tell she did, in fact recognize me and was so very happy to see me. I hugged her and cried a little, I really was prepared for her to not know who I was. I sat in a chair in front of her and struggled to make conversation, choking back tears. She didn’t say a lot just kept looking at me like she was studying my face, saying my name, and smiling. It was both wonderful and heart-wrenching. I will never regret that visit, as it may be the last. We said our goodbyes and left to head back to Maw Maw’s. I cried most of the hour drive back. It felt just as emotional as my visit to my own Grandmother 2 days earlier, maybe more.

Are noticing a pattern here? This trip had turned into a stress inducer instead of stress reliever. I was emotionally drained. I was physically exhausted, as I had not been able to sleep the entire trip. I was so sad and thought my life has been a roller coaster for a few months now and it’s just not going to get better anytime soon. I felt completly defeated.

On the evening of Day 4 I was exhausted and sad. We had dinner with Mom and Dad and stayed visiting with everyone until late in the evening. As I was driving back to Maw Maw’s for the night, my phone starts to ring, I wondered who would be calling me. I looked at my phone and saw it was Devin. I was like, “Really? Right now? Im in the most vulnerable state ever and he decides to call me after weeks of not talking!”

I answered after much debate in my head. He said “Hey” I said “Hey, how are you?” I went on to tell him the girls were in the car and I would need to call him right back. It’s only a 5-minute drive so we arrived within minutes and I told the girls to go ahead and go  inside. I dialed his number and my heart was racing. What does he want NOW? My thoughts raced through all sorts of scenarios. I was both excited and nervous to talk to him. He answered and his voice instantly made me melt. He asked me how I was doing and I told him about some of the crazy shit that had happened over the last few days. I think I even cried a little. He started telling me all about his latest drama with his ex and things that were going on with him. He talked for a long time. Finally. I said, “Devin, Is there something else you want to say, what did you really call me for?” He was silent for a long time. Then he started saying how much he had missed me and loves me. If I had not been in such a fragile state I probably don’t ask that question. I already knew the answer. I had been doing pretty well with moving on and feeling like I was “getting over” him. I knew that this conversation was a bad idea but I broke. We ended the conversation after quite some time by saying our usual “I love you, Stephanie: “I love you, Devin”

Day 5 I woke up with Devin on my mind and a text from him, his norm “Good Morning, Beautiful” like nothing had ever happened. I got up and went to the kitchen to get coffee and was greeted by Maw Maw who gave me the news that my Grandma had passed early that morning. I thought to myself “Really, how much more can I take?” I immediately called my Dad to check on him. He sounded ok, I’m sure being prepared for this helped but hearing grief in his voice was difficult. Next I called Lee, I was very upset. He talked to me for a while and helped me feel a little better. He’s still my best friend.

My Dad told me that the funeral was set for the day after I had planned to leave so I said well I will just leave after the funeral. It seemed silly not to stay one extra day. It just meant that I would not have a day of rest before going back to work.

Devin and I fell right back into “us” The whole rest of the trip he texted me and called me. He sent me old pictures of us. Lots of those photos being naughty shots of his big cock and my ass that he loved so much. The nostalgia in him was strong. We dirty talked a lot, to the point of making each other cum. Even 900 miles away he could make me cum. I began to long to feel him with everything inside of me. I could not stop thinking about him. I knew it was a terrible idea but I needed the comfort of talking to him and knowing that he still loved me. I did not have a lot of positives to hold onto at that moment. So, I made one of those bad decisions I famous for. I removed the band aid from my heart and let him back in…

 

Meeting Mr. Wrong

Meeting Mr. Wrong-Part 5: The First Goodbye

valentine-day

I bought two tickets to a comedy club for Devin as a Valentine’s Day present, I told him it was a surprise and not to make any plans for Saturday night. He said ok but did not seem very excited. Saturday rolled around and I barely heard from him. I waited patiently as I hate to be needy or a nag.

I started getting ready early. I wanted to look extra sexy. I looked at the clock and it was already 6 o’ clock  and still nothing from Devin. I started to get irritated and texted him to call me asap. He had never even asked the details of my plans, what he should wear, what time, should he meet me at my house? It was like he totally did not give a shit. He took forever to text me back to say that he was out riding and was going to put his bike up and head over.

I was furious! We needed to leave in about an hour. He did not have time to make it to my house shower, change, and leave on time. I said don’t bother, I will go alone and we are fucking done! I will not deal with your inconsiderate bullshit anymore! We argued back and forth for a while but I decided to find another date.

A few days earlier, my first Tinder score, Brian texted me to see how I was doing. I had really liked him but then after our one night wonder, I didn’t hear back from him. Then I met Devin and our chemistry was so strong I decided to forget all about Brian. Of course, I heard from him a week after I met Devin.  I told him I was seeing someone and he said he understood and would respect that and I did not hear from him again until that fateful night.

It was perfect timing. He was free and eager to meet me even on such short notice. So, we decided to meet for dinner and then the Comedy show. Yes, he bought me dinner! Devin had not taken me to dinner in months. We had a great time laughing and I did not think about Devin at all. We also had good chemistry and being the slut I am, I asked him if he would like to come home with me.

The next day, you guessed it Devin came over to bring me the key to my house and get all of his things. We talked for a long time. He confided that he was frustrated about us “taking our relationship to the next level” I did not understand what he was trying to say at first.

He went on to say he didn’t see how we could ever live together being 40 minutes away from each other. He couldn’t move here because he could not be that far from his kids. I couldn’t move there because, well my kids are here. I asked him, who said anything about living together? I realized he meant HE wanted that but couldn’t see how we could make it happen. He said, I live with my mom, I cannot support you or give you the things I want to give you. He even mentioned marriage. I was like WHOA, hold up! I never asked for any of that. He said well I think about it all the time. I didn’t really know how to react to that.

He pulled me onto his lap on the couch and hugged me so tight. He had tears in his eyes, (Devin does NOT cry) he told me he loved me more than he had ever loved his wife and that he always would. We both knew it was the end though.

Even after deciding we were over, being that close to each other, we could not help kissing and the kissing led to him placing his hand under my shirt on the small of my back then to me running my hands over his big full biceps, I felt that familiar hardness of his cock under me. He looked at me and said, “please go take your clothes off so I can feel your skin pressed against me.” I melted like an ice cube in the sun. We climbed into my bed naked and he pulled me against him so tight I almost couldn’t breathe. It felt like he wanted to crawl inside me. He just held me for a long time kissing me and rubbing those hands up and down my back. We ended up making dirty, sweaty, passionate love, or you could just call it break up sex.  Don’t judge, he is my kryptonite!

He left and I did not see or talk to him for a few weeks. Until he resurfaced during Spring Break.

Meeting Mr. Wrong

Meeting Mr. Wrong-Part 4: The Facebook Scandal

facebook

I didn’t really know why but I started getting that feeling you get deep down in your gut something is not right. Devin seemed to be more preoccupied lately. He did not call every day after work. He didn’t text me as much and started coming over a little less. His visits seemed to be a little later too. It was very subtle and I was trying very hard not to be paranoid. I had severe trust issues, and for good reason. I had been lied to and betrayed by Lee for years after trusting in him with everything inside of me. If someone who loved me as much as he did and still could do all those horrible things to me I felt as if no one could be trusted. I had been working so hard over the last few years to regain my faith in humanity and when I met Devin I felt like I had overcome that obstacle in my life.

As my internal radar started to get louder I decided to try a little experiment. Our 6-month anniversary was approaching and I thought I wonder how he would react to being “Facebook Official”. On January 11th, I texted him on my lunch break and asked him if he would be ok with me setting my relationship status to “In A Relationship”, he said sure I don’t mind. Even through text I could tell that was reluctant. I said, are you sure? He said, Yes, I don’t care.

I immediately set my relationship status and tagged him. I got a notification that he had changed the date. Hmmm, that is weird, so I went to change it. When I looked to see where to change the date I saw the button was right next to the “Remove Tag” button. I found that to be very curious. I decided to do some Facebook staking. What I found was disturbing. There was a new face all over his page liking every picture and status, he had removed all the posts I had ever made since we met.

At this point I should have walked. Instead I didn’t let on that I had noticed. I asked him if he was coming over that night since it was Thursday and I didn’t have my kids. He said yes and I did not say anything at all to indicate that I was upset. I wanted to confront him about this in person. I needed to see his face when I asked him about it.

When he arrived late, of course, I was sitting on the couch waiting for him. As soon as he saw my face he knew I was mad. He said what is wrong. I proceeded to tell him exactly why what he did reeked of guilt and what explanation for this could he give. He was angry that I “ambushed” him. He did not like that I was making Facebook shit a big deal. He gave among other lame excuses, his crazy ex-wife giving him shit and that he wanted to keep his page professional for his job. Nothing he said made any sense whatsoever. He just sat there, jaw clenched not saying another word. It was infuriating. I could not get any kind of response good or bad. I finally said “Would you say something? Yell at me, I don’t care!” He looked me square in the eye and I could see anger in his eyes, and said “Don’t ever say that to me again, I will NEVER yell at you or disrespect you verbally!” Well, I was surprised at this. I didn’t know what to do with it. Lee and I had the worst, most volatile fights you have ever seen. I was speechless.

After a while, he said I have already given you my answers and you don’t believe them so I’m leaving. Then he walked out the door.

 

I decided to let it go, I mean being mad over social media is so high school, right? We continued dating but things started getting strained and rocky. We didn’t fight, but I started to become very unhappy with the direction our relationship was going. He stopped taking me out at all. We only saw each other a few nights a week late after he got off work and did his “errands”. All we did was fuck.

Granted that part alone seemed worth ignoring all those things. I mean how could I give up a connection or sex like that? How could I give up chemistry that dreams are made of? How could I give up touches that still took my breath away or kisses so deep I thought I might die. When we were together it felt as if our bodies were just made for each other perfectly in every way. All he had to say was “Cum for me Stephanie” and I instantly would cum over and over or when he said my name in his deep, smooth, sexy voice, especially “I love you Stephanie”, a wave of emotion would wash over me and nothing else mattered. I loved Devin with everything inside of me and every inch of my body. If all of that seems silly or overstated, then you have never had that with anyone.

Eventually, it was not enough anymore. I began to feel used and unimportant. He didn’t like having “dramatic conversations”, he did that enough with the ex. They fought constantly, all day long. I felt like all his emotional energy was being poured into her and that felt very unfair.

I simmered…

Meeting Mr. Wrong

Meeting Mr. Wrong Part 3: The Honeymoon Phase

honeymoons

Devin and I began spending every spare moment with each other. He drove to my apartment almost every night. We really could not get enough of each other. He was like a breath of fresh air to me. He appreciated everything and anything I did for him. I always made him breakfast before work. The first morning after he had stayed the night I made his eggs the way he liked them and biscuits. He talked about how I made him “scratch biscuits” for months. He smiled that big sexy but almost childlike smile every time he saw me. He was so smitten, it felt good for someone to think every little thing about me was awesome. He complimented my eyes, lips, hair, body, especially my nice round ass. He thought I was funny and smart. He wanted to help me do anything and everything. He would bring me groceries since he ate at my place so much. He even would bring soap for all those showers we had to take.

He always wanted to talk to me, touch me, be with me, and of course fuck me as much as possible. Our chemistry was intoxicating, it really felt like I was becoming addicted to a drug. I was still being very guarded with my heart and emotions. I reminded myself repeatedly that it was only infatuation and lust.

He on the other hand, would stare at me while holding me and his eyes were saying I love you but my eyes would warn him not to say the words. He knew I was trying to keep things more casual. He knew my past and all the hurt. One day he pulled me onto his lap, wrapped his arms around me, and said “Stephanie, I will never hurt you. I promise”. I got a little angry at that statement. I looked him square in the eyes and said “No, don’t even say that because it’s a lie. Everyone hurts you at some point, it’s inevitable so you cannot make that promise”. I learned a long time ago, that the more you care about someone the greater their potential to hurt you.

As Devin and I spent more time together no matter how hard I tried to keep my emotional distance, he was breaking my walls down, one brick at a time. He was holding back that “I love you” so hard.

I noticed plenty of “red flags” but I ignored them. I was just enjoying things too much.

One night, that I will never forget as long as I live or do not have Alzheimer’s, we were making dirty, sweaty, passionate love. Devin was on top of me when he stopped pulled his head up so he could look deep into my eyes, stroked my hair and said, “I love you, Stephanie” and he kissed me so deeply that it took my breath away. I think I even cried a little. I told him that I loved him too but I was not sure I meant it yet. But seriously, what kind of a bitch would I be to say thank you or something else besides “I love you”? I just went with it because it was just too beautiful of a moment.

The months went by and Devin and I were inseparable. My kids met him and he became a somewhat permanent fixture around our home. I loved how much he doted on me and always said “thank you” and “I appreciate you.” I never really had that in all my years with Lee. So, it was extra special to me. I began to love Devin. It wasn’t that once in a lifetime, soul mate kind of love, but I grew to care about him a lot. Besides all those wonderful sweet things about him the sex was so amazing, I cannot even find the words to describe it. He did anything I wanted, he never disappointed me and I have been told I am quite insatiable, so that’s really something. We would make soft, sweet, passionate love and then it would turn to dirty, sweaty, rough, and awesome sex. Being older, I taught him some new tricks. I sometimes felt like Mrs. Robinson. He was a good student.   I was a very happy woman. My weight loss skyrocketed. I do not know if it was because of all the extra “cardio” or just all the rushing of endorphins. It was probably both. So my sexy was back in full force.

We went on this way for months and never tired of each other. He helped me move into my new house. He introduced me to his kids and Mom. He fixed stuff around my house too! That one really got me. I always had to be Ms. Fix It when I was married. Lee did not know how or even if he did was too lazy to fix anything. With Devin, I did not even have to ask. If he saw something that needed fixing he just pulled out a screwdriver and fixed it right then and there.

Then suddenly, right after Christmas, I felt a shift in Devin’s behavior. He began to feel a bit distant. It was not really anything big I am just really good at reading people. My radar detected something ever so slight.

Meeting Mr. Wrong

Meeting Mr. Wrong-Part 2: Ignition

Ignition

Ignition

Devin and I had our second date not long after the first. He asked to take me to a movie, of course I agreed. I could not wait to see him and kiss him. I obsessed over what to wear and I think I changed clothes at least 6 times. I still wasn’t back to the size I wanted to be, so I had a hard time in my closet!

As we sat watching the movie I could not concentrate at all. He had taken my hand and stroked my fingers and then put his hand on my thigh. I felt a surge of electricity with every touch. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, do you want to get out of here? I just want to make out, I don’t care about this movie. He laughed and led me to the parking lot.

We went to my car and immediately started kissing and touching each other. His body felt so good. It was firm and muscular but not overly. I cannot say how wonderful his hands and lips felt enough. Things got hot and heavy fast. My inner slut was yelling at me, so I decided to drive to a more private parking lot.

We drove around for a while until I finally found a spot that was dark and secluded, the library. Don’t laugh, it was the perfect spot! I had ben rubbing his cock the whole ride, but only over his jeans. He was so hard and It felt like something I needed to inspect further. I unfastened his belt and unzipped his pants in record time. I pulled out the biggest, hardest cock I had ever seen. He also had a large Prince Albert piecing, something I was curious about. I gave into my inner slut and leaned over to put it in my mouth. I just could not help myself I needed to feel it.

After he came, he kissed me deeply and passionately, my breathing was so heavy and quick. I wanted him so badly. He decided to return the favor and unbuttoned my jeans and I don’t think it took more than 5 minutes to cum. I’m not sure how long we stayed in the car making out more, but it was just so intense I did not want it to end.

Reluctantly I drove back to the movie theater and dropped at his car. I still remember that goodbye like it was yesterday. It took forever, neither of us wanted to go home. Finally, he did get into his car and drove away. Almost immediately he started sending me texts saying how much he enjoyed our date. Duh.

We decided to go out again the very next night! We met for dinner and he sat across from me in the booth and held my hand until the food came, staring into my eyes again. He never looked away and neither did I. I could tell he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I don’t even remember what I ate because all I could think about was leaving. He got in my car again so we could make out. Things escalated quickly as my hands went right for that big cock. Again, he was rock hard. I said let’s find a spot again, I want you so bad. We had a repeat of the night before behind a restaurant. I could not get enough of him and I could tell the feeling was mutual.

That Saturday he asked me to meet him at his house to “hang out”. I was so excited and nervous as I drove the 40 minutes or so to his house, or should I say his mom’s house. Yeah, he lived with his mom. I thought nothing of it since he had just gotten a divorce and was trying to get his finances on track again. Anyway, I got there and he had made me breakfast. I don’t think Lee ever made me breakfast once in the 20 years we were together. That just melted my heart instantly. He was really good at doing that already. I could barely eat because we were looking at each other in that mesmerizing way again. Finally, he said let’s go and pushed my plate away and pulled me to his bedroom kissing me all the way there. He guided me to lay down on his bed and quickly took off his clothes and started removing mine as well. When he slid his cock inside me it was both pleasure and pain. He felt amazing, every part of him. He fucked me slow and gently at first I think I must have came 3-4 times. He was the best I had ever had, hands down. Then I rolled him off me and climbed on top of him and rode him so hard and intensely. Again, and again I came, it was fabulous. His eyes, literally rolled into the back of his head as he came.

After, he admitted that he had been nervous beforehand. He was intimidated by my past with Lee and our many poly relationships. I am older than him and obviously have a lot more sexual experiences. He worried he would not be up to par or last long enough. He could not have been more wrong. He told me it was just as mind blowing for him. I remember telling him. “it’s easy with the right partner” I think we fucked 2 more times before I went home. I was floating and totally addicted to his “love”, already.