The next few weeks were difficult, to say the least. I missed Devin, I missed sleeping on his chest with his arms around me, I missed his smile, his laugh, his voice, softly saying “I love you, Stephanie” and his kisses. Sex with Devin had been like a drug, it felt like withdrawals every time I thought of his hands going down from the top of my back all the way down to my arched, lower back, or my lips wrapped around his big, hard cock. I recalled him looking down at me while fucking me slow and sweet and then hard and fast as I screamed with pleasure. I remembered all the funny things too. Once while he was behind me giving it to me REALLY hard he slapped my ass so hard that it triggered my glass break sensor on my alarm system. I ran to turn it off and we laughed so hard when the alarm company called. You just can’t make shit like that up if you try. I wondered if I would ever find that kind of chemistry and connection again. The thought that I had lost that made me depressed.
Devin texted me a few times here and there at first. I would respond, but only briefly. Then we both went silent. I assumed he was seeing someone else, it seemed like he had a problem being alone. I started talking to guys here and there. I even went on a few disappointing dates. I just did not find any chemistry at all. I didn’t expect the electrifying chemistry I had with Devin, but I felt absolutely nothing. Aside from than, none of them seemed terribly interesting and they all just wanted to fuck me. I guess because I didn’t really need that this time around I was pretty disgusted by that. I developed a sour taste in mouth for men.
I was however talking to one man who seemed somewhat promising. He was my age, which was a new requirement. He seemed cool, had a good career, was a southerner like me, and seemed respectful in general. The only problem was he said he traveled a lot and was hardly in town for us to meet. So, we went on talking for a long time.
I decided since all of this had really taken a toll on me and work had been stressful to take me and the girls on a road trip home to visit my family for Spring Break. I took the whole week off from work. I could not wait to see everyone.
In order to understand this chapter of my Devin Saga, Im going to have to tell you a very long but quite entertaining, sad, and unbelievable story first. Bear with me. Here goes….
The girls were so excited and so was my Mom and Grandma. Every time I have ever gone home, my family made me feel like the queen of England. They did not get to see us much over the years when I was married to Lee and the kids were much younger. Since leaving Lee, I have made at least 5-6 trips home. I was not prepared for what I was about to face, this time would prove to be very different.
The night before we left, I was at the grocery store getting some road trip snacks. It is a 12-hour drive so we needed some serious provisions. While checking out some apples, I got a text from my dad saying that my Grandma, his mother has been very ill and would probably die any day now. He said when you get here I would really appreciate you and the girls going to visit her. I said, “OF COURSE DAD!” In my mind I thought, great that will be fun and how awful at the same time. That was in the back of my mind the whole drive. I was never terribly close to her, but my dad was. You could say, out of 9 kids, 5 of them boys, he was her favorite. He was the most responsible and successful of them all. He always made sure she was taken care of the best he could. My sadness was mostly for him. I knew it would be hard on him and I love my dad so very much.
We got there finally and my sister informs me that we cannot stay with her like we planned because her house had flooded. I was like great! We ended up at my other grandma’s house, Maw Maw, we have always stayed with her anyway so it wasn’t a big deal. Her and I have always been so close. I love her almost more than my Mom. She lived alone in her big house and always loved having me and the girls there.
My Mom’s house was full, with my younger brother, Thomas and his son, Little Thomas, living there. He is a “grown up”, but never matured enough to live on his own as a single dad. His choices have been, to say the least, poor in relationships. His first girlfriend had killed herself, the next, my nephews mother, had shot him in the stomach with a shotgun when Little Thomas was a toddler. He almost died.The best part of that ordeal is that he did not press charges or break up with him for a few years after. I told you he’s not very smart. With all that being said, she had recently overdosed, yes, 2 girlfriends have committed suicide to date. I’m not sure what he does to these girls but man it must be bad. Anyway, I never stay there cause it’s kind of like the Jerry Springer show, and I hate drama, somehow it always finds me though. I wonder all the time if that is my fault or coincidence, ugh.
Maw Maw was also ill, not deathly ill but having some issues breathing. She is also quite dramatic, so the first night we were home she ended up having my Mom take her to the ER. We were locked out of the house until she got back. That was fun. We weren’t tired from driving 12 hours or anything. So far day one was awesome.
Day 2 I decided to go see my Grandma with my Dad. I did not bring the kids because I just didn’t think they needed to see someone that close to death. After all, this was their vacation. She was as bad off as I expected. Surprisingly she was very alert and still in her right mind. It was really upsetting to see her thin, frail body. I will never forget looking at her eyes though. They were so beautiful and clear icy blue. I don’t know why but I had never noticed them before. She looked at me intently. I think she wanted to smile but seemed as if she couldn’t. She talked with my dad and recalled stories from the past with him. My dad choked back tears and that really was the hardest part of the visit. You see I have never seen my Dad cry in my 41 years on this earth. Day 2 was already turning out to be awesome too. I don’t even remember what we did the rest of the day.
Day 3 was a bit low key. We had all planned to spend the evening having crawfish with my brothers, their girlfriends, sister, niece, nephew, Dad, and Mom. The girls were really excited, that was not something they have had much. When we got to Mom’s no one was there except for Thomas, his meth-head looking girlfriend, one of her kids, and my nephew. Little Thomas and my youngest daughter, Christine are the same age so they ran off to play as soon as we got there. Thomas told me Dad was with Grandma in case she passed, he wanted to be there. My younger brother, Jonathan and his girlfriend were working, my Mom had gone out with her old lady friends for some reason, and I don’t even remember where my sister was. It was just us and no crawfish. They had ordered pizza instead…Eliza and I looked at each other, like um, this sucks. I asked her if she wanted to go get some seafood just her and I? I asked my brother if he would mind me leaving Christine to play with Little Thomas? He said no problem sis, she’s no trouble they are having fun. Eliza and I got in my car to leave and she looked at me and said “Mom, are you really going to leave Christine with that girl here? She is so trashy and looks like a meth head?” I laughed and said I know but my brother is here and he will make sure she is ok. She did not like it. She is only 15 but very wise for her age. We went to my favorite childhood restaurant. Then we headed to Mom’s to pick up Christine. Everything was fine and she said she had a lot of fun with her cousin. Day 3 done, no drama. Finally!
Day 4, started off awesome. Maw Maw woke me up to tell me that the meth head girlfriend got into a fight with my brother and she stabbed him. Yes, she stabbed him in his hand as he covered his neck to keep her from stabbing him in the jugular. You cannot make this shit up! She is the second girlfriend to attempt killing him, WTF. My Dad heard the ruckus and got up out of bed, after spending his whole day by the bedside of his dying mother to see this going on in his kitchen. That seems nice, right. Mom said he was so angry that he literally picked this girl up and threw her out the door and threw her keys at her. Jerry Springer show in full force. Why no one called the cops is beyond me but I guess that’s just how Thomas rolls with his women. Of course, I got a huge I told you so from Eliza. Its a fun time when your 15-yr. old proves to be smarter than you.
Later that day, I had planned to take the kids to see Lee’s parents. They lived only an hour away and I have always been really close with them. My Mother-In Law, Mrs. Susan, being especially dear to me. Her and Lee’s Dad had always treated me as a daughter, one that they cherished. They will always be my family.
Over the years my Mrs. Susan’s health had declined significantly. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease among other things. She is now in a nursing home. My Father-In-Law cannot take care of her the way she needs to. He is old too. My plan was to also visit her. I had not seen her since she had gotten so bad.
When we got there, my niece, Anna, ran to hug me. Lee and I had pretty much raised her until she was about 3 or 4. Her mother is a crack head and she is a whole other story altogether. Then my Father-In-Law, Lee Sr., whom I had not seen since my divorce, grabbed me and hugged me with tears streaming down his face. He is such a dear, loving person and has always just adored me. I guess I must be pretty great, hahahaha. He hugged the kids, we met Anna’s daughter’s. We visited a while and I said, “I need to see Mrs. Susan. Lee Senior started to gather a small ice chest and some ice cream. I was very confused. Anna told me that he brings Mrs. Susan ice cream EVERY day. He loves that woman more than Ive ever seen anyone love a spouse. I think he also feels guilty, not only for putting her in the nursing home, but for years of him taking her for granted and abuse.
As we rode together to the home I was so nervous to see her. I had been told how bad her health really is and that she looks awful and may not remember me. Seems it was par for course on this trip. When we got there all the nurses knew Lee Sr. by name and enthusiastically said “HI, Mr. Lee!” Apparently, he is a regular visitor. He told me he had told Mrs. Susan I was going to be visiting and she was so excited, she had asked when I would be there every day. When I walked into the room, she was sitting in a wheel chair next to her bed. Lee Sr. said loudly Mrs. Susan, “Stephanie is here!”. in his thick Southern accent. She looked up and stared at me, she looked as if she had seen a ghost and said “Steph?” I could tell she did, in fact recognize me and was so very happy to see me. I hugged her and cried a little, I really was prepared for her to not know who I was. I sat in a chair in front of her and struggled to make conversation, choking back tears. She didn’t say a lot just kept looking at me like she was studying my face, saying my name, and smiling. It was both wonderful and heart-wrenching. I will never regret that visit, as it may be the last. We said our goodbyes and left to head back to Maw Maw’s. I cried most of the hour drive back. It felt just as emotional as my visit to my own Grandmother 2 days earlier, maybe more.
Are noticing a pattern here? This trip had turned into a stress inducer instead of stress reliever. I was emotionally drained. I was physically exhausted, as I had not been able to sleep the entire trip. I was so sad and thought my life has been a roller coaster for a few months now and it’s just not going to get better anytime soon. I felt completly defeated.
On the evening of Day 4 I was exhausted and sad. We had dinner with Mom and Dad and stayed visiting with everyone until late in the evening. As I was driving back to Maw Maw’s for the night, my phone starts to ring, I wondered who would be calling me. I looked at my phone and saw it was Devin. I was like, “Really? Right now? Im in the most vulnerable state ever and he decides to call me after weeks of not talking!”
I answered after much debate in my head. He said “Hey” I said “Hey, how are you?” I went on to tell him the girls were in the car and I would need to call him right back. It’s only a 5-minute drive so we arrived within minutes and I told the girls to go ahead and go inside. I dialed his number and my heart was racing. What does he want NOW? My thoughts raced through all sorts of scenarios. I was both excited and nervous to talk to him. He answered and his voice instantly made me melt. He asked me how I was doing and I told him about some of the crazy shit that had happened over the last few days. I think I even cried a little. He started telling me all about his latest drama with his ex and things that were going on with him. He talked for a long time. Finally. I said, “Devin, Is there something else you want to say, what did you really call me for?” He was silent for a long time. Then he started saying how much he had missed me and loves me. If I had not been in such a fragile state I probably don’t ask that question. I already knew the answer. I had been doing pretty well with moving on and feeling like I was “getting over” him. I knew that this conversation was a bad idea but I broke. We ended the conversation after quite some time by saying our usual “I love you, Stephanie: “I love you, Devin”
Day 5 I woke up with Devin on my mind and a text from him, his norm “Good Morning, Beautiful” like nothing had ever happened. I got up and went to the kitchen to get coffee and was greeted by Maw Maw who gave me the news that my Grandma had passed early that morning. I thought to myself “Really, how much more can I take?” I immediately called my Dad to check on him. He sounded ok, I’m sure being prepared for this helped but hearing grief in his voice was difficult. Next I called Lee, I was very upset. He talked to me for a while and helped me feel a little better. He’s still my best friend.
My Dad told me that the funeral was set for the day after I had planned to leave so I said well I will just leave after the funeral. It seemed silly not to stay one extra day. It just meant that I would not have a day of rest before going back to work.
Devin and I fell right back into “us” The whole rest of the trip he texted me and called me. He sent me old pictures of us. Lots of those photos being naughty shots of his big cock and my ass that he loved so much. The nostalgia in him was strong. We dirty talked a lot, to the point of making each other cum. Even 900 miles away he could make me cum. I began to long to feel him with everything inside of me. I could not stop thinking about him. I knew it was a terrible idea but I needed the comfort of talking to him and knowing that he still loved me. I did not have a lot of positives to hold onto at that moment. So, I made one of those bad decisions I famous for. I removed the band aid from my heart and let him back in…